favoured4eva's Blog

Life for a single person does not have to be boring.  Being single does not mean you have to live an unfulfilled life.  Indeed life as single person can be enjoyable fun and enviable if you choose to make it! As stated in part one of this series there are so many ways a single person can enjoy the power and potential  of being single.

The sky is the limit for any single person who understands with God in their lives, they can do all things and in their single status they have the freedom of choice for the best.  Below are some more reasons a single person how a single can enjoy their lives to the maximum.

11. The ability to dedicate one’s self to a just cause for the benefit of society

Being a single person, there is a tendency for your mind to be more open to thinking about philanthropic activities, because these things tend to start from youth and then continue into adulthood.   12. Freedom to disburse finances in whichever way they wish It is easier to utilise financial resources when it is one person.   13. Time to develop a Godly character – the ability to develop character and integrity in the face of temptation Everybody has character flaws. It is easier to deal with these flaws when you are by yourself than when you are with people as this tends to become magnified when you interact with others.   14. Freedom to invest and save A single person can make an independent choice on how to make and manage their finances.   15. Less complex decision-making i.e. no need to take on board another person’s views It is always easier to think for oneself.   16. To learn to be alone without being lonely A wholesome spirit-filled single would not feel lonely even though they are alone. During their single years they can learn to appreciate this fact through life experience.   17. It is also the season to establish and understand one’s personality profile In order to establish godly relationships , we must recognise our strengths and weaknesses, so as to interact effectively with people.   18. More time to mentor those around you, especially the younger generation Singles could find themselves in positions where they have to be exemplary role models. When single, they therefore can afford the time to sow into the lives of the younger people that surround them, with no distraction.   19. The ability to have increased creativity because of space and time to think and solve problems Just as Paul demonstrates in the scripture, when you are single you are less concerned with the cares of the world. (1 Corinthians 7:32-Paraphrased)   20. More opportunity to be a blessing to your family Singles have the opportunity to spend more time with their family because once married, the main focus is their immediate family rather than the extended one. However, it is not an excuse for a person to neglect their mother and father once married.

You can be victorious as a single.  Go for it.

  As I woke up this morning I was full of such overwhelming joy. My reason simply was because I was alive. Only a week ago a friend had died under tragic circumstances. When people close to you die you begin to value life more. You also begin to review and reflect upon your own life, asking yourself questions like ‘if I should die today what would people be saying about me?’   Too often we are focused on what we have not got what we want now or what we are yet to receive.  So much so we fail to take stock of all we currently have in our lives. If we could just do this and have a heart full of gratitude for all the things God has done in our lives, any sadness we may feel can only turn into joy. After all our lives are in God’s hands and as our heavenly father he only wants the best for us.   My friend who died lived life to the full despite having to go through a serious illness any other challenges.  She never complained.  She never allowed it to stop her from making the most out of life or being a blessing.  She made every minute of her life count.  She is now gone but has left a tangible mark on this earth.  She set up a foundation before she died and her place of work has dedicated a suite after her.  What an amazing life she lived.   I tell you this story just to make you stop for a moment to value the life you have.  Irrespective of what your outward condition may be because of Christ that dwells within you, you can overcome.  You do not need to allow that circumstance to control you. The word of God tells us we have dominion (Genesis 1:26).  If we therefore apply this to Singleness, it follows dominion can be achieved in this area.   There is a song that says count your blessings name them one by one.  Count your blessings see what God has done Count your blessing name them one by one and it will surprise you what the Lord has done. Why do you not take time now and do a little exercise of recounting every blessing you have.  You will be amazed about how blessed you really.  And secondly how we take so many things for granted e.g. in my case, my health!   I hope I have given you food for thought. I would like you to take this a step further and to think about all the opportunities you have as a single. Opportunities that some married people are envious of.     1.       Personal freedom – the ability to “come” and “go” freely without having to account to another person   The freedom to do what you want, when you want! This is one of the most important gifts a single person has at their disposal; yet it is so often abused. You tend to realise the value of the freedom you have only when it is taken away from you or when you relinquish it. Marriage does not mean you lack freedom. It just means you are accountable to your spouse. Therefore, it is a valuable commodity for a single person. There is power and potential because you do not have to account to anyone unless you choose to.   2.      Time and space to establish who they are, discovering their “raison de vivre” i.e. what drives their life   Positive and healthy relationships are based on two people coming together who are complete in themselves. Therefore, in order to have a fulfilling relationship you would need to know your reason and purpose for living. There is power in such knowledge as it helps you to keep focus and not get discouraged from the inevitable trials of life.   3.      The potential for spiritual growth, learning, training and development   Singles have all the time to discover their identity, values, beliefs and philosophy to life. They are also able to study the word and single-mindedly pursue goals for themselves.   4.      It is the season in which to establish their life map. Where they want to go and what they want to be   As individuals, we must find the right direction and means in achieving goals. It is important that as a single person, you have a vision and seek fulfilling means in reaching your goals.   5.      The opportunity to maximize one’s self worth   Singles most often have the ability to give their all to their chosen aspirations and in so doing live to their full potential in life.   6.      Freedom to travel, discover cultures and ways of doing things   Singles are free to pursue interests such as culture, which widens global awareness and improves outlook on world issues.   7.      The unrestricted ability to be a blessing to others   As a single person, you can maximise your capability of reaching out to people and not take into account certain commitments and responsibilities which married people do.   8.      The great opportunity to network and develop business and social relationships   Single people have the opportunity and freedom to form a wide range of relationships as a result of connecting and meeting like-minded people.   9.      The capability of living a focused life – the power to focus on their vision, career, business and dreams   When there are no distractions, you can single-mindedly focus on your career, vision and dreams. You have nobody you need to convince except yourself when you embark upon this.   10.   Flexibility in terms of career movement – a single person can put their career development into overdrive   Singles have the flexibility to explore opportunities of travelling in order to attain career goals, where necessary. Also to be single-minded in the pursuit of their career is an added bonus. The sky is the limit because there are fewer commitments.   The list is by no means exhaustive as there are other countless ways a single person can enjoy the power and potential of their single status. However, what this does is to give a snapshot of ways in which a single person can enjoy their singleness by acknowledging the advantageous position they are in because they are not married. The sky is the limit for every single person who understands that with God in their lives, they can do all things and in their single status, they have the freedom of choice to aim for the best.   There is no need for a single person to enter the Valley of Regret, visit Discouragement, maintain or sit under the “Poor Me” tree. But rather to acknowledge who they are, face the facts, challenge them and change them in order to be who God ordained them to be: triumphant in every sphere of their life.   Let me know your views by visiting www.erelationshipmasterclass.com  

 

As a single person journeys along the pathway of life they have to continuously make choices which will ultimately lead them to, or affect their destiny. In this article I want to look at the lives of some single people and review their choice of lifestyle and its impact on their future. We will look at the choice, consequence and the cure for each lifestyle.

 

 

Lifestyle 1: One foot in one foot out

 

The Choice: James is a new Christian and truly loves God but also he truly loves some of the things he used to do. Before he became a Christian he particularly enjoyed sex. Now he cannot imagine how it is possible to have a relationship that is “God’s Way”!

 

The Consequence: He may be the father of many babies. He may get a Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD) and he may experience feelings of guilt and frustration, as he is torn between lifestyles, trying to give up one for the other. The most dangerous Consequence of all is spiritual death.

 

The Cure:      2 Corinthians 5:17 – James needs to remember he is a new creature

                        Ephesians 4:22-24 – He needs to put off what is of the old man

 

In short: face the challenge, think it through, and make that change!

 

 

Lifestyle 2: Dress to Tease

 

The Choice: June loves wearing the latest fashions. She has gone beyond the boundary of the decent into the scanty. She has made up her mind – she will not be an old maid! Therefore she thinks the less she puts on, the more the chances of her being picked.

 

The Consequence: She will not be taken seriously, and if approached at all, it will be for the wrong reasons. She has made herself a prey for abuse and/or misuse by the wrong man.

 

The Cure:      1 Timothy 2:9a – June can get a few tips on dressing here

                        1 Peter 3:3 – She needs to find her true value

                        Proverbs 31:25 – The secret to dressing well

 

In short: dress well, add value to your life and you will be found by a Boaz!

 

Lifestyle 3: The Superficial

 

The Choice: Byron has chosen to focus on the superficial things of life. His second name is Bozo. He enjoys presenting himself as a man of substance but really he is shallow. In depth discussions scare him…after all he might be discovered.

 

The Consequence: A shallow relationship. An empty lifestyle. A superficial friendship.

 

The Cure:      Matthew 10:16 – Byron is a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

                        1 Samuel 16:7 – Listen to the Lord, he knows the inside

                        James 1:8 – You do not want to join your future to instability!

 

In short: spot him/her… and run for your life!

 

Lifestyle 4: No Hope

 

The Choice: Jane did not actually choose to get to this point but because she allowed the cares of life to dictate her emotions, she has now lost hope. Due to no one having spoken to her in five years she can’t see the point in taking care of herself. Doing her hair or makeup is a no-go area. 

 

The Consequence: Whilst inner beauty is of great importance, outside appearance is often assessed first. Other consequences include depression and discouragement as the perpetuation of not being asked continues. Low self-esteem can also manifest as the desire to meet a person is not met.

 

The Cure:      Job 14:14 – Jane needs to keep on waiting patiently for there is an appointed time. If Job had his, she will have hers

            Romans 4:21 – God is not a man that He should lie, He is faithful to His word concerning her life

 

In short: focus on the now and develop self on the way to where you are going

 

Lifestyle 5: Commitment Phobic

 

The Choice: Maggie has not been able to close the door on a yesterday relationship. She meditates on it and thinks through it again and again. She does not want to try again for fear of another break up. She claims she is married to Jesus and wants all the ‘satans’ to leave her alone.

 

The Consequences: She is unable to commit to anyone and because of her fear of involvement many suitors have emotional scars for having dated her. She has become bitter and nothing can make her come out of her fortified tower.

 

The Cure:      Hebrews 12:15 – Free yourself of bitterness, it destroys you and those around

                        Ephesians 4:23 – Let yesterday die and allow your spirit to be renewed

 

In short: yesterday is in the grave, tomorrow is in the womb, so seize today and make it count.

 

Lifestyle 6: Steadfast

 

The Choice: Joseph is confident on the way to where he is going. He knows he has milestones on the journey and is following his targets one by one. He is a good friend to all, enjoys the atmosphere of worship and serves faithfully in Church. The commitment to God he shows in church is the same at home, where he prays and seeks to know God for himself.

 

The Consequences: As he walks with the Lord, at the appropriate time, he will see, be seen and propose to the perfect will of God for his life. He will have prepared for her arrival and she will be the Queen of his house, a support to him. Should any difficulty arise, they will both go to the manufacturer – the source who brought them together – God.

 

The Cure?      None prescribed, this is where we all desire to be.

 

In short: With God as the third person in their relationship, they will live happily ever after!

 

So now shall we say:   The Choice is yours!

                                    To rejoice or to cry

                                    To lift your head up or to bow

                                    To live or to just exist

                                    To live a dream or to live a lie

                                    Seize the day, choose God’s way

 

In recent years there has been much debate about whether a person should date before marriage or just court the person they intend to marry. According to Webster’s Dictionary, dating can be defined as an engagement to go out socially with another person, often out of romantic interest. Courtship alternatively can be defined as a man’s courting of a woman; seeking the affections of a woman (usually in the hope of marriage) – Webster Dictionary. Or in more simple terms dating is perceived as a fun social outing, which could lead to marriage and courtship is perceived as a social outing where both parties have an intention of marriage in their minds from the outset.   Campaigners for both camps lay down strong arguments as to the virtues of their particular viewpoint. Sometimes to the extent that some singles are confused as to what to do if they desire to enter into a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. Would I be perceived as being non-spiritual if I date someone? What if I enter into courtship and it doesn’t work out because I don’t know them? What is wrong if I date someone just to get to know them first before I commit to marriage? Is courtship similar to an arranged marriage, as both parties do not necessarily know each other before the nuptials? These are some of the questions asked.   In this blog I am not going to justify the position or indeed analyse the pros and cons of either lobby but instead I want to suggest another dimension to having a meaningful relationship by going above the arguments and by saying that singles should relate with a godly purpose.   Everything God does has a purpose; a specific end result He had in mind. E.g. He gave Adam Eve in order to complete him. Dr Myles Munroe has said where there is no purpose abuse is inevitable.   The argument therefore follows; if a single does not understand why they want to have a godly relationship or indeed understand what a relationship means, abuse will surely transpire. This could lead to pain, disillusionment, discouragement, bitterness and hurt. Relationships do not have to lead to these negative outcomes. They can be positive if we relate to one another with a godly purpose. In other words, we should approach relationships with the mind of Christ.         Following are seven ways to have a meaningful relationship.   1. UNDERSTAND THE MEANING OF RELATIONSHIP   Many single Christians are entering into relationships, which in reality they should never have begun because they were unaware of what having a Godly relationship involves.   The Bible says:   And the Lord give thee understanding in all things. 2 Timothy 2:7b   A solid foundation can only come when a true understanding of the meaning of relationship forms its basis.   With such an understanding, a relationship not only becomes more meaningful it is also more likely to last because it is built on Godly wisdom, principles and understanding.   2. DEFINE THE RELATIONSHIP   Before embarking on any relationship, ask yourself some questions. For example, why do I want to enter into this relationship? Where will it lead? Is God involved in my decision-making? Did I hear from God or is my flesh speaking/motivating me?   Defining the relationship helps you to determine your own personal expectations and will help you to shape those of the person you wish to relate to. Once you know what you want it is best to communicate that to the person you wish to relate with in order to avoid unwarranted conflict later.   3. PRAY THE RELATIONSHIP THROUGH   It is so important when you have to make minor and major decisions in life that you approach them with the mind of Christ. The Word of God commands us not to lean on our own understanding but to acknowledge God in all our ways, so that He can make our path straight.   Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. Proverbs 3:5   When we pray we are having an intimate relationship with God. It is in the communion with Him that you are able to know His mind (the Word of God) on matters pertaining to your life. Through prayer you will, in your connection to God, be able to choose appropriately, speak correctly and conduct yourself in a godly manner. Intimacy with God in prayer will also help to guide you through the complexity of relationships and enable you to relate to another person in a stress free manner.   4. KNOW THYSELF   A relationship cannot be wholesome if one of the parties in the relationship does not see themselves as separate, unique and whole. Where this does not occur in a relationship, one of the parties will start to feel drained by the other as they are relating to a Very Draining Person or a Very Needing Person. To avoid being the person that weighs down the person with whom you want to have a meaningful relationship with, you need to know yourself – your strengths and weakness. Simply, you need to know what makes you ‘tick’. It is in the understanding of who you are as a child of God and as a human being that you can relate more effectively with another person.   5. GET TO KNOW THE PERSON WELL   Sometimes when couples relate, they interact on a superficial basis in an attempt to present a positive side of themselves. The fear of being open and vulnerable to another person causes some to play a charade of surface level relationship right up to the time of commitment to marriage. Once the couple cross over into marriage, their eyes ‘open’ and the rose tinted glasses are removed. They have to spend time and make an extra effort to work through issues which could have been dealt with prior to marriage.   Couples looking to have a meaningful relationship should not major on the minors but focus on the fundamentals which will form the basis of their marriage e.g. spiritual life, family relationships, approach to money, child rearing, each others vision, etc.   Success will come when you know and understand each other.   6. COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE   Talking and listening are key tools for anyone desiring to have a meaningful relationship. If you are able to talk freely to another person, who is not going to negatively use what you share with them, it is a good indication that you will have a meaningful relationship with them.   When you talk you are able to share your heart. The person with whom you are talking to, through the things you say, your thought processes, tone of voice etc. is able, if they listen with the ear of the Spirit, to ‘know’ the person you really are. Listening therefore is as important as talking. If talking is the main focus and not listening as well, the relationship is in danger of being shallow. Listening allows you to get to hear what is really in the mind of another person. When both are done in tandem, a couple stand a better chance of their relationship surviving the storms of life.   7. BE DETERMINED NOT TO COMPROMISE   Sin brought about the schism in the relationship between Adam and Eve. Prior to the fruit incident, Adam related freely with Eve. They were naked and not ashamed. However, once the fruit had been eaten their relationship changed with each other and with God. The blame game began and they started to play hide and seek with God.   Relationships today are still undergoing the same experience once they move from relating God’s way to introducing sin into their relationship e.g. sleeping together, heavy petting etc. thereby compromising their position in Christ.   Once a couple determines not to compromise on their relationship despite temptations, societal pressures and personal emotions, they will triumph through Christ in every area of their relationship.   Finally, whilst all of the above are important, God must be the central focus for any couple desiring a meaningful relationship.   God centred relationships can never fail. When a couple focus on God as the binding force in their relationship, they will have a confidence that their relationship cannot be broken. God will bring about a meaningful relationship because all issues of life can be found in His Word. Solutions can be obtained, healing and deliverance can also be achieved.   Therefore, be confident in your faith in God. As you trust and rely on Him, you will have meaningful Godly relationships.  

The last few weeks have been very interesting in my journey of transformation from possessing a poverty mindset to developing a millionaire mentality.

The four day life impacting World Internet Summit and the whole euphoric experience of it is still very much at the forefront of my memory. It would be hard to erase such an experience. Without wishing to sound over the top, the summit virtually changed my 'stinking thinking' over night, resulting in me looking more positively at life and opportunities that are all around me which hither to I had not seen.

However it did not take long after coming out of the special environment of the Summit, for certain realities to hit home. It was very obvious that when I returned back home, to work, to family and friends, I was no longer the person who they knew just 5 days previously. The negativity of a poverty mindset had gone. The fear of not being able to achieve my goals had disappeared. My confidence had been regained. Indeed an unspeakable joy had developed from within, with the understanding of a bright future ahead.

I believe judging by some of the reactions of people around me to my newly acquired millionaire mentality that not all were persuaded that I would be able to maintain my new outlook to life.

Behaving like a Cheshire cat who has just had a bowl of cream, probably added to their concerns.

Words of wisdom, prying questions and disbelief about the possibility of having a successful online business began to flow from my well meaning circle of colleagues, family and friends.

It was then it became obvious to me that if I wanted to be able to flow in my millionaire mentality I would need to take some steps which would keep me focused on achieving my goals and maintain my millionaire mentality and become successful in business.

Simply I learnt
1. Not everyone will be happy for the progress you want to make it
2. Change can be disconcerting for everyone who is not ready to embrace change
3. If I want to be successful and achieve my goals I would need to separate myself from negativity. Sound counsel is of course important and necessary. However negative advice based on lack of understanding of the work you have to do or fear and /or concern the advisors may have , will not aid you on the way to where you on the road to success.

Finally I realised if I am to maintain my new thinking pattern, attitude and drive for achievement I would need to continuously confess it to myself and others that I was going to make it.

It has been said ‘As a man thinks in his heart so is he’ It also been said ‘Out of the abundance of a man’s heart the mouth speaks. It therefore follows my speech should reflect my thinking. This can only happen when the change desired is more than a mental desire but also a heart desire. Everything needs to be in alignment, the hearts, the thoughts and the speech.

With this understanding of the person’s speech; what a person says must align with what they believe (what is in their heart and mind). It therefore follows the more a person confesses positively the more likely they are to succeed.

Positively confessing your desires;

• Helps to send a signal to your brain to confirm your inner belief.
• Helps to remind you of your intentions.
• Encourages your heart when faced with negativity from people or indeed internal fears etc.
• Sends a message to all concerned that you believe in what you are doing.
• forces you to be true to your word
• Helps you to create the future you want.

I therefore use this medium to declare

I am a millionaire in the making.
With my heart and mind I believe I can make it,

I know the road ahead may not always be smooth but there is always away to overcome the challenges.

All things are possible if only I would believe.

Let me have your thoughts. I would love to know if you believe positive confessions can make a difference to a person.